Harvey – When Good Cats Go Bad – Vet Visit!

Harvey – When Good Cats Go Bad – Vet Visit!

Every six months or so, Harvey makes a guest appearance at the vets to get his asthma checked. He’s somewhat of a celebrity at the local veterinary clinic, so I wasn’t entirely surprised with the exchange that took place when I called through to book an appointment.

“Hello! I need to bring Harvey in for a checkup” I mumbled awkwardly.
I was met with a brief silence, followed by a somewhat hesitant response. “Harvey… Scott?”
I could hear the tremor in her voice, a sense of panic radiated down the phone line; I was certain I heard her throw up in her mouth a little.
“Yes that’s right” I said cheerfully, hoping my forced enthusiasm may go some way to reducing her sense of impending doom.

I could hear her clicking away at the other end, no doubt stalling as she searched desperately for an excuse as to why it would not be possible for Harvey to see someone this week. Perhaps she would hurriedly explain that all the vets had inexplicably contracted Cholera, or that a rabid dog had sprung loose from its cage, laying waste to the clinic.
However, apparently unable to come up with an adequate excuse on such short notice and much to my surprise, she offered Harvey an appointment for Friday morning.

“Oh how marvellous!” I cried, trying to desperately hide my relief as I silently fist pumped the air, “We’ll see you then!”
Without a word, I heard the nurse exhale abruptly before the dial tone began ringing loudly in my ear. No doubt by now she was packing her things and ensuring that she was in another country before Friday came about.

The days leading up to Friday went without incident but, when the morning came, I was somewhat dismayed to find Harvey’s psychic abilities had sprung into action. Instead of hanging around upstairs as I hastily readied myself for work, he’d fled the vicinity and was nowhere in sight. I was certain I’d done nothing to alert him to my plans for the morning but somehow he knew. He always knows.

I traipsed downstairs, pretending there was nothing amiss as I searched calmly for the little grey bastard and I soon found him, body compressed into the form of an unsightly cube as he desperately crushed his face into the locked catflap, mewling pitifully.
After years of bloody battles, I was well prepared for his transfer to the carrier, knowing his misery would soon be replaced by unimaginable rage. Experience has taught me that speed is of the essence in this scenario, so I swiftly tossed a towel over Harvey’s head and bundled him into the carrier before he had time to go nuclear.
I sustained only a minor wound as he began to sing me the song of his people, swatting angrily while I frantically zipped up the door.

I still remember the uncomfortable call I received several years ago, after Harvey had stayed at the vets for some overnight treatment.
“Hello. Uh, we haven’t managed to pill Harvey as he’s somewhat… difficult. One of our partners made a final attempt but well, we think it would be best if you just took him home.”
As I collected him that morning; the team looked shell-shocked, their injuries apparent, as they hurriedly thrust the carrier into my hands and fled to safety and no doubt a stiff drink.

Since that day, the veterinary team maintain a respectful distance, as they explain to onlookers that Harvey is a “rather spirited patient”. What they actually mean to say is “this cat is a fucking psycho, a demon belched forth from the gates of hell. Please move to the other side of the country and take this monstrous Hellbeast with you and never set foot here again”.
Alas, this is not a polite thing to say when your client is present and so they stand there with their awkward smiles, as they assure me that Harvey prefers his owner’s touch.

Thankfully, despite angry protests, Harvey wasn’t on full form on Friday and only two attacks were unleashed upon the vet as she nervously examined him. I could see she was already a little dead inside at the prospect of another consult with Harvey, so I tried to lighten the mood by discussing his propensity to empty his anal glands on occasion without warning. I don’t think she was entertained as he proceeded to provide us with a rather ghastly demonstration, soiling her coat with his vile spillage.

As the consultation concluded, I could hear the strain in her voice as she ushered us out towards reception, babbling frantically as she quickly released Harvey back into my care.
“Well that’s us all done here! Harvey is fit and well and there’s no need to come back until his next checkup! Thanks for stopping by!”
She stumbled over these final words as she backed hastily into the nearest exam room, slamming the door as the other clients in reception stared in confusion.

My head hung low as I shuffled my way out of reception, a fanfare no doubt confirming our departure.
The vets are likely booking their holidays as we speak. Let the countdown begin.

#FML #GoodCatsGoneBad #VetsArePeopleToo

Harvey At The Vet

6 Replies to “Harvey – When Good Cats Go Bad – Vet Visit!”

  1. He looks so sweet and innocent. Have you tried Feliway wipes or spraying some in his carrier to calm him down? Or maybe a calming collar would help, they are only about $5 and smell like lavender- they have helped my cats a lot.

    1. Haha he likes to hide behind the sweet and innocent facade 😉 I have to be a little careful with scented products due to Harvey’s Asthma but Feliway plugins have made a big difference in the past so maybe I should give the wipes a go! Thanks for the tips 🙂
      He used to be incredibly calm visiting the vet but since he went through all of his tests he’s grown to hate his visits, not that I can blame him after all the horrible things they did to him a few years ago. He particularly likes to savage Rebecca, I feel very sorry for her lol

  2. Harvey! Bro! That’s the story of my life! After I scratch and bite the vet and her techs, just for good measure, I throw an asthma attack. My vet talks the tough talk “Bring it on!” when I email her that I’m coming it.

    1. Hahaha I’ll have to try throwing an asthma attack during one of my visits too, sounds like a hoot! Asthma sufferers unite! Go Team Asthma!

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