Wet Strokes = Hairy Handsies

Wet Strokes = Hairy Handsies

Clive is a bit of an oddball. Ever since kittenhood he’s been obsessed with what the extended family and I have come to know as “wet strokes” (perhaps there’s a better, less paedo-sounding term for it, feel free to suggest one).

Every morning, after I’ve finished scalding the sleep and misery from my skin, he waits patiently for me to switch off the shower. As soon as he hears the click, his patience ends and he comes dashing through from the landing, shrieking furiously and licking my legs.
Following his freakishly loud entrance, he turns around and backs his arse into my shins, waiting impatiently to be stroked; any hesitation results in further furious shrieking.
God help me if I’ve already dried my hands because he was a little slow on the uptake; his screams of disapproval are something to behold. If this situation arises, I’m forced to rinse my hands under the tap to re-wet them and resume the ritual with urgency, or be forced to face his wrath.

The next step is to rub him down aggressively (he particularly likes it if you rub his fur the wrong way) until he’s soaking wet. If he doesn’t fall over at least once then you’re not roughing him up enough – the level of his purr is a good indicator of how well you’re performing this task.
I’m not sure if he’s a lazy bastard and grooming himself is too much effort, or if he’s just a bit simple. I suspect a little of both.

Once he’s thoroughly soaked through, he shakes like a dog, climbs into the bath and begins licking the drips off the shower screen.

To add to the weirdness, Bailey has started to copy him. However, Bailey clearly has no idea what in the name of Christ he’s doing and assumes that the senile ginger knows something he doesn’t so, although he’s clearly uncomfortable with the situation, he persists.
Bailey’s “wet strokes” involve him crying tentatively while rubbing around my legs, ducking away from my hand and wailing whenever I successfully get water on him. This can go on for quite some time before he eventually runs off, howling miserably as he disappears into the guest room.

By the end of this ritual I usually require a second shower as I pace around the bathroom awkwardly, my shins baked with fur, hands resembling dead badgers.

Ultimately I think my cats probably need professional help and I need a plumber on retainer to deal with all the cat hair blocking my plugholes 😩

#CatsAreWeird #HairyHandsies

Clive - Wet Strokes

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